I woke up early this morning and turned toward Sophia. It has been eleven years since I have been graced by her presence. Instead of the usual pattern of getting up to meditate, I opted to stay in bed next to her. Every birthday, every day really, is precious, but somehow eleven seemed even more significant. In this past year I have seen her personality and spirit take shape, with flairs of spunk and humor, while holding a quiet and observant nature at times. She has developed friendships that don’t always involve me and interests that are at times far different from those I had growing up. Witnessing her soul slowly unfold is a gift.
I stayed in bed, feeling her heart beating in my palm. I could not help but feel overwhelmed with emotion and tears, the joyful kind. I have never known a love like this; a love that feels as close to pure as I think I will ever experience and a relationship where the lines between self and other truly begin to soften. I was reminded of a saying, “To be a mother is to have your heart forever walk around outside your body”. When I look at my girls, I see a piece of my heart outside my body. The connection is so deep and profound that words really cannot describe it.
Today I rest in this love; to experience it is Grace itself.