Trusting our wisdom.
These days I often find my girls asking me, “Well what do you want me to do?” or “What do you think I should do?”. Though I am happy they still seem interested in my opinion, I want them to be equally, if not more interested in their own. Not in a selfish way, but in a way where they begin to understand their layers at an early age.
Often I find that we, myself included, look for clear categories of good, bad, right, wrong or the norm, not the norm. This can feel comfortable and secure to the ego, but inevitably we are going to fall upon a moment where there is no previously defined good or bad, our own or other’s. Without the tool of self-inquiry, we might feel confused and unclear, or unsure whether our idea of good or bad is still even valid. In our younger years, boundaries are useful. They can even help into adulthood, as long as we don’t rely on them solely.
When we look to external definitions of what we should or should not do, we, in a way, aren’t trusting our own wisdom and knowing. If we take time to feel and listen to our inner life, our choices will reflect the deeper intelligence and compassion we carry. Our choices will also, at times, reflect our human vulnerabilities and failings, and it is kind to make room for this too. There is probably a middle way unique to each of us. Based on experience, we know what has served in the past and what has not. This can inform us, even while we take the time to listen and feel into the truth of this moment in a fresh way.
For now, when my girls ask me for my opinion, more often than offering first, I ask them how they feel about their choices. It’s not always the response they want, but I trust their wisdom more than any that they might receive from the outside. Many of us, even as adults, are still learning how to trust ourselves. It’s never too late to begin and I hope to give my girls a head start.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.