Nine Years, Dad.
I sat down this morning to meditate. It has been nine years since my Dad passed away from cancer. Like most years I sit on this day to see and feel what arises for me. For the first several minutes, I sat with the daily restlessness that comes with life. At some point, I began to rest back into a sense of space and quiet.
Eventually images of my Dad began to pass through. The images were mostly of his last days and I felt sad, sad that he never got to meet Sonia, sad that he didn’t get to play with his grandchildren and see them grow up. The grief did not feel as raw, but it was there as things became quiet. Even though I trust that there is more to this life than the physical, I still felt a loss for what he missed out on.
I have realized grieving has no timeline. Some days and years, emotions and memories feel volatile, other years not so much. Time does not always elicit a reason for a loss or a difficulty. It simply is a part of the changing nature of life. We can either resist it or slowly learn to allow it. We can take the lessons of this learning as they come and then allow grace to carry us through the rest.