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my return Home

It is my last day here.  I just got off the phone with Herb and am looking forward to my return home.

I am on my way through one last scenic drive along the coast.  As I am driving, I begin to cry.  Not the tear filled kind of crying, the deep within my body and being kind.  I cry not knowing why.  It almost moves through me in waves.  I feel quiet in moments and then again the rush of something arising through me and beyond me.  I allow it for as long as it needs, not knowing if I was crying for the beauty I felt in my surroundings or for the beauty I felt on the inside.

Then it occurs to me that as I contemplated returning home to my family, for the first time in a long time I had returned home fully to myself.  It was not this trip alone, but the full journey, the layering and un-layering, leading up to it.  In this moment, the ways in which I had once felt unsafe, not at home, guarded or inhibited dissolved.  I needed these past two days to be by myself, with no where to escape to, no way to become distracted, so that I could just be.

Right now, as I sit here along the vast and deep pacific shoreline in front of me, wind all around, expanse of land opening wide behind me, I feel at Home.  I know that this feeling will not stay as it is in this moment, but I trust that Home will find me when I have been drawn away.  Home is here, in myself, in my being, always.

And, yes, I also look forward to my return home.

Love and gratitude.

2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Manju Jhawar #

    Sheila your deep sense of writing about your experience is so enriching the soul !!! It’s nice to read that your writing is taking you so deep down……….One day you will become such a well known writer that’s what I am seeing:) Good job .

    October 6, 2015

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