My practice of yoga has shifted quite a bit from what it looked like when I began years ago. In the beginning, poses were just another fun thing to do and figure out. Yet somehow I was drawn to my mat over and over again, not fully understanding why. I left feeling a little more at ease even as I continued to skim the surface of the shapes. Poses may have been changing, but mostly I was playing out the same patterns that were already set in motion, except this time the patterns played out in the presence of a deeper, more conscious breath. Slowly things began to shift.
The poses are still there. They challenge me at times and allow for a quality of play, but today, more often, my practice is about holding space for an undoing. It’s a tender, even scary process where at times I’d rather just hide behind the guise of a pose, but discovering the strength to abide in the places that don’t feel so put together have been the hidden gems. Rather than keeping appearances, I am more willing to allow myself to come undone; more willing to feel into the truth that resides in the unspoken wisdom of the body, even when my mind would rather lead me astray. Instead of only sitting in the confines of my mind, I have come to feel into the constantly changing movements of life living through me, be it the heat of anger, the shakiness of vulnerability or the lightness of joy. The process is not always easy, but I find that I am a little more at home in myself, a little more welcoming of my full and messy humanity. The unexpected fruits of practice have come in the things that cannot always be seen, only known to the heart and felt in the flesh. It is a journey steeped in more mystery than knowing and for it I am so thankful.
They say that life is always easier
After you let yourself come undone.
~ Max Elto