Recently, I took some time away from my family to travel for training, which was immediately followed by Herb doing the same. I was gone for five days and he will be gone for five as well; not a huge amount of time in the big scheme of things. Yesterday evening, my girls and I dropped him off at the airport and made our way back home. We finished dinner, evening chores, baths and finally made it to bed. Girls were fast asleep while I was reading. Even though my mind was directed, I felt a palpable emptiness in the background. It almost felt silly since it had literally been hours, perhaps three, since Herb left.
Many of our weeknights are often filled with time in the kitchen, eating dinner together when we can, finishing chores, cleaning up and preparing for the next day. I have to admit most nights by the time all of this is completed, Herb and I have little energy for our own conversation. We may spend some time reading and eventually make our way to bed. Yesterday I was reminded that even without words or conversation, I feel Herb’s presence. It is a source of comfort and support for me in a very palpable way. And I very much noticed the lack of it yesterday evening. The awareness of what his presence means to me is meaningful because otherwise it can easily be taken for granted. There is immense power in connection that resides beyond the spoken word. It exists in how we carry ourselves, in our body language, our facial expressions, that momentary glance, the smile, even the look of exhaustion or frustration at the end of the day. We communicate so much without saying anything at all. I know this all too well as my girls have picked up the occasional habit of rolling their eyes at me. 🙂 More so, what I find to be true is that words often don’t capture the full extent of what our bodies and hearts hold as experience, yet somehow I am still drawn to capture whatever I can in this post.
I feel very grateful to have Herb as my partner. His presence is large, while being nurturing, tender and kind. I am glad to have had the moment of being reminded really how much he means to me.