What’s Good for the Goose …
More and more these days, I am working really hard at not jumping in to allay my girls’ frustrations or arguments immediately. Yes, I let them fester a little bit. All for good reason of course. I want them to have the opportunity to work it out on their own. I want them to learn how to self-regulate, to negotiate, to feel and know their frustration and anger, as equally as they do their triumphs and joys. If I pop in at a moment’s notice every time things go awry, they lose that opportunity. They miss tapping into their deeper wisdoms. And then one day, without me on the sidelines and experiencing difficulty, they will be at a loss for what to do.
Interestingly enough, this practice of allowing them to work it out, amidst the fighting, the high-pitched yelling and tears, pushes me to work on my own practice. The practice of patiently waiting it out, instead of jumping in to fix and repair quickly so that the yelling can stop. I have to learn to take deep breaths and find my ground when my girls continue screaming. Sure I gently remind them that I trust they will figure out the best course of action, but then I let be. I practice the art of patience and exploring my own capacity for self-regulation. It works both ways.
Self-regulation is not a skill just for kids. Adults need it equally as much and it’s a skill that needs constant practice or we lose the capacity for it. So sure, there are days I jump in and take the quick fix approach. There are other days where I know I can ride out the storm and hope my sweet girls will benefit from these moments in the future. I love how what’s good for my girls is equally good for me. Sometimes doing less is actually doing more. 🙂