Today I decided to post another one of my meditation journals. 🙂
I sat for thirty minutes. It was nice to give time back to myself after a busy week. My mind meandered on and off almost immediately. Within several minutes my body began to lose sensation. My seat became a little numb, as my hands felt like they were afloat. My sensations remained mostly in the torso as my chest expanded and relaxed, allowing for gentle pulsations even within the stillness; breath softly moved energy through me. It felt as if my body had become a shell, a container for spirit. Over time, even as the thoughts continued to evolve into their stories, a real steadiness emerged. I felt still and strong. But ironically, as the space arrived, it just as quickly slipped away. And I tried to let it go without judgement of what had arrived in its place.
It’s amazing to notice how little space we actually give ourselves. Our minds are so conditioned to keep moving. We are doers and thinkers. Few learn to or even want to find stillness. And I struggle with that as well as I try to meditate. But the more I meditate, the more I learn to take time for self-care. It allows me to know I cannot always be doing. Sometimes I just need to be.
Meditation for me has become a way to take a much more intimate look at myself. It gives me time with my thoughts, my sensations and spirit. It is who I am in the most raw form, no pretenses. I am the observer and that which is observed.